(For illustrations purposes)

Scenario 1:

You may be a student that know very well (in your head) that you had not put in enough effort to make it through an examination. However, you continue to cling on to whatever little hope there is (in your heart) ...that perhaps you might just pull through.

Scenario 2:

You may be suffering from a broken heart after a previous relationship ended. You know very well (in your head) that it is impossible to turn back time and undo the hurt that was done. However, somehow (in your heart) you continue to hope. You hope that perhaps one day what you've lost mayl be restored.

LML sent me home after a RCC meet at Olio. Was bathing when I discovered that my left nipple was inverted. No matter how hard I tried to un-invert it, I wasn't able to. It began to hurt unusually. I waited to see if the pain would go away.

11th July:

I got up in the morning, read the papers while having my breakfast. And, guess what? The headlines went somewhere alone the line... "More services to be provided at KK Hospital for breast screening etc."

My lightning fast mind then began to imagine the worst case scenario and I found myself entangled with worries. With the growing awareness and public education about breast cancer, the papers had quite a number of articles and checklist for people to detect breast cancer early. I ran through the checklist and thought that I checked more than one of the symptoms listed. I tried to break the news to my family later in the evening.

Siscie: That's good. It's growing! Haha.

Me: Erm, but...there's a lump growing and I can feel it.

Siscie: OMG. You better tell mummy.

My mum brought me into the room and started pressing my breasts (from what she learnt when she went for a mammogram) to feel for lumps and she concluded that there was indeed one and it didn't feel right. They looked sorry for me which made me feel sorry for myself. I'm scared but I knew that I had to be hopeful. I had to exercise my belief that my Father loves me, healed me when He suffered and died for me.

12th July:

LML brought me to the polyclinic early in the morning. We waited and waited and waited...

When I finally got to see the doctor, she asked me some questions, examined me and passed her 'verdict.' She wrote a referral for me to the breast clinic at CGH and told me...

"I'm sending you for an ultrasound scan as I can feel that there's definitely some abnormalities and something going on in there but I can't tell exactly what it is. It may be a cyst or perhaps something more serious. In which case you may need to do some tests to see what if it's liquid or solid to see what's an appropriate treatment. Most probably an operation. So it's best for you to do an ultrasound scan as it'd give you a clearer picture."

My heart sank. It wasn't an insect bite. I didn't know how to stop myself from thinking negatively. When I told LML about it, he seemed to realise the seriousness of the matter. He was really sweet to accompany me throughout the entire day to get my mind off the matter. When I told my family about it, I could tell that they were worried. It was unspoken but felt.

16th July:

Today, I learnt that D was admitted in TTSH for dengue. Mum, LML and I went to visit her. She looked rather sick but I guess what made it worse for her was probably her attitude. (Although I wasn't in a position to pass judgements.) She refused to eat (although she probably didn't have much appetite to begin with) and she kept telling us that she would rather die. It was rather saddening to watch her lose hope in herself, she didn't fully believe that she'd get better. I finally understood what people meant when they talk about having the will to live. Then, I realised that although I was a little afraid, I was really hopeful. I really at that point in time believed that I will come out with a pink bill of health. I really believed that she will get well too. If my Father had taken care of me, my Father took care of her too. She'd recover in no time. I can't live without her. =)

17th July:

LML and I went to church today. Pastor mentioned that there's a message for everyone and when you hear something that jumps out at you, you'd know that the message is meant for you. How true. He talked about seeing Christ in yourself and in others. How he lives in us and that we are all that He is, simply because He lives in each one of us. I believe so strongly that I'm well and healed in His name. If He lives in me there is certainly no reason why I should be unwell or anything less of what I deserve---wholeness. For he blesses me exceedingly abundantly.

22th July:

I couldn't sleep well the day before despite feeling optimistic and hopeful for the past 10 days or so. Today felt like judgement day. A day that would make a difference in my life. LML and I took communion every single day from the 12th July right up to today. He had not given up hope and kept encouraging me and it was really comforting.

There wasn't a long wait at the specialist clinic. Very soon it was my turn and I was a little jittery when I walked in. The doctor did the scan and said that there's nothing to worry about as he didn't see anything there and it's probably just an infection that would go away with a course of antibiotics. Praise God! I can't explain how happy I was then. If only I could jump up and dance around in circles. *Yoohoo* Haha. =D

Some may say that the doctor at the polyclinic was a quack and that she probably made a mistake and passed a wrong judgement. Others may even say that I'm just an alarmist and there's nothing to worry about to begin with. Whatever the case, it is my body, I knew that something had been going on in it for awhile and I choose to give all glory to God that I'm fine and well. He had given me the miracle even before I hoped and prayed for it.

With every event in life, there's always something to learn and with each trial that God brought me through, I only emerge more victorious. Better than before. I'm very thankful for the people who stood by me through the storms and gloomy days of my life. Thank you...